It was getting close to midnight
and we’d just finished the second to last concert of the first leg of the tour.
Instead of heading back to the hotel with the rest of the band and crew I felt
like taking a walk. It was only a short distance from the auditorium; I figured
it would be quite a pleasant walk across the wharf and down Main St.
I put on my jacket, wrapped my
neck with the silken scarf I’d just gotten and took off. The night was still;
the view of the starry sky above the bay made me feel petty. It was chilly so I
picked up the pace to a brisk walk. I passed a few gates which seemed to be
storage rooms; right at the very end of the alley there was a black cat down on
the quayside. Ship's lights that resembled green eyes watching my every move
were glowing in the dark. Two young cops were handing out a beating to an old homeless,
it was clear they knew how to hurt and leave no mark. I was fear stricken, I
put my head down and moved as quickly as I could; I needed to get to the hotel
as soon as possible. I had two more miles to go according to my navigation
system.
When I walked through the
revolving doors I felt safe. It was warm inside and I had to find a way to calm
down a bit. Nothing beats a scotch on the rocks for this. No sooner had I taken
a seat down in the half-lit bar of the hotel when there was a call for the last
round of the day. I ordered two whiskies and drank them in one sip, one right
after the other. Depressive thoughts flooded my mind, my life had no purpose;
it was only my fans that had some sympathy for me. I had no one to go back to;
I didn’t even have a place I could call home.
I left a fifty on the table and pushed
back the stool, ready to take that elevator ride. My suite was on the sixteenth
floor. When I got to the room I was feeling a bit dizzy. I fell in bed and kicked my shoes away
wondering why I felt like that. Was it me or was it the drinks, or maybe it was
the number of rocks on the road along the way.
It wasn´t easy to sleep through
the wild sounds of the city. My head was pounding, my eyes were itchy and I was
sweating. I stood up and turned off the heating, I walked by the window and heard
a car full of young boys; it seemed to me they were heading for a fight. Once
again I felt I wanted to call her and apologize to her; I needed her to know
how much I regretted my life. I picked up the phone and dialed her number. The
long distance telephone kept ringing out engaged; I couldn’t help but wonder who
she was talking with tonight. “Who are you talking with tonight, bitch?” I was
beside myself with anger. How many more rocks on the road would I need to face.
I opened the mini bar and drank all I could until I eventually passed out.
My head felt as if it was about
to burst. There was that annoying hammering in my head again; it was some tired
plumbing that woke me in the morning. I dragged myself out of bed and crawled
towards the toilet. In between moans I threw up all I had in my stomach. I realized
what was going on with the plumbing, the shower ran hot and then cold, playing
with me.
In my head I started repeating
those mantras my analyst suggested for times like this, “I'm up for the down
side”, “life's a bitch” and all that stuff. They worked, I was again ready for
my agent to come and shake some apples from my tree. First I had to pay for my
minibar madness and the itemized phone bill overload. I needed to get this
money back, I was in the red, I wasn’t being given any royalty for my songs or
my performances, at least not until I came over my addictions. I went down to
the casino; I thought some heavy rolling might help me move these rocks on the
road. It wasn’t open yet. It would be one more hour before I could roll the
dice.
Although I wasn’t feeling hungry
I headed for the restaurant. The place was packed so I was offered an
individual table by the windows. There were crumbs on the breakfast table and a
couple of dirty coffee mugs; apparently they were short handed or maybe they
hadn’t expected such a turn up. I knew there would be a million other little
things to spoil my day, but there was only one thing to make me happy.
I put on my headphones and chose
my early morning jazz playlist. Now how about a little light music to chase it
all away? I had everything I needed, coffee, a cigar and my music to chase it
all away, ready to face up to whatever laidahead of me.
